Humans are social creatures, but being in any type of relationship can be an exhausting experience. So many people get their kicks from treating others poorly, which you probably already know if you’ve ever been a part of the dating scene. You’ve probably already heard of ghosting, the modern trend of disappearing from a potential love interest’s life once you’ve decided you aren’t interested. But breadcrumbing is another trend that you may have experienced without ever hearing the name.
Breadcrumbing is defined as “the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal text messages (i.e., ‘breadcrumbs’) to lure a sexual partner without expending much effort.” An alternative definition is “when the ‘crush’ has no intention of taking things further, but likes the attention.” While these definitions frame breadcrumbing in a romantic context, breadcrumbing can exist in familial relationships, friendships, professional relationships, and more. It is a phenomenon as old as time, but engaging it has become easier thanks to technology and social media.
Leaving a toxic relationship takes strength and courage, but if you are legally married, it also takes extensive legal work. Not everyone is prepared for a legal battle against a manipulative ex, especially if that ex has retained an aggressive divorce attorney. If you’re seeking high-quality Arizona family law attorneys, you’ve come to the right place- for Low-Cost Legal Help in Arizona starting with your free phone consultation, call 480-263-1699.
Examples Of Breadcrumbing
- The ex who let you get away “pokes” you on Facebook whenever you enter a new relationship
- Your boss hints that you will be promoted if you work longer hours and take on extra tasks, but when you get passed over in favor of another coworker, your boss implies it will happen “next time”
- You meet someone new on a dating app who initially showers you with attention, but they seem quiet and distant when you finally meet. They ask questions about you to keep the conversation topic off them, and keep their answers extremely vague
- You go on a few dates with someone you’re interested in but who doesn’t seem to be emotionally available. They don’t respond to your last text message asking to grab dinner but they occasionally “like” your social media posts
- Your parents withheld affection unless you got straight A’s, and when your 4.0 GPA report card came out, then you needed to make varsity, win a spelling bee, etc. before they would be proud
- Your friend or family member is enjoyable to be around, but will only make plans with you at the last minute- as if they’re constantly waiting to see if better options arise
- Your spouse knows your love languages but only gives tidbits of attention when they need you to get something done around the house or run an errand for the kids
- Your friend is sometimes very attentive and in constant contact with you- especially right before they need a favor- but at other times, may take days, or even weeks, to reply to you
What Breadcrumbing Does To The Recipient
When one person is manipulating another person, the first thing some will address is that person’s motivation for doing so. It is just as important to consider the effect that breadcrumbing has on the recipient. It is difficult to have high self-esteem when experiencing breadcrumbing, especially at the hands of a romantic partner. Breadcrumbing targets may feel undesirable, unattractive, and insecure because of the inconsistent attention they receive from the object of their affection. A person who is being breadcrumbed might be missing out on real chances at human connection due to being strung along by this manipulative dating tactic.
Addressing Breadcrumbing
If someone is aware that they are being breadcrumbed, there are a few strategies they can use to push back against this manipulation. A person who has experienced breadcrumbing should put forth their best efforts to not internalize how they have been treated. It has more to do with the breadcrumber’s own insecurity and need for validation than flaws in the recipient. It’s not always an option to trust the way this person makes you feel and end the relationship. If so, you should set boundaries with this person and remain firm. For example, if this person can’t maintain steady communication, you may want to suggest a weekly phone call- and if they can’t agree to that, move on.
Let the other person know how you feel because they might not be entirely aware of your behavior, and once you have let them know, the ball is in their court. If you’re giving the other person time to figure out whether or not they want to prioritize you, focus on yourself in the meantime. Find new hobbies, engage in self-care, and do anything that brings you joy and boosts your confidence. Do not respond to late night, low-effort texts (“booty calls”) and don’t drop everything to be there for someone who is only there for you sporadically. Lastly, be aware that your attempts to push back against breadcrumbing may cause the person to act more interested in you- this could be genuine, or just a temporary effort to keep you on the hook.
Why It’s Important To Avoid Falling Victim To Breadcrumbing In A Family Law Matter
Breadcrumbing is primarily associated with short-term romantic relationships, but could be a derisive strategy used in family law matters such as divorce lawyer, child custody, and child support. Someone who is being breadcrumbed may constantly feel like if they just give a little bit more, or here, give up a little bit more, they might finally get the attention and affection they want from the breadcrumber. If only one spouse wants to get divorced, the other spouse could definitely weaponize breadcrumbing to achieve a more favorable divorce agreement. For example, the spouse may give morsels of attention to their spouse during a separation, swearing that any agreements signed now are only meant to be temporary. That spouse may later go before the judge and state that the agreement shows what both spouses intended to agree to for the long term. Or a spouse going through a divorce may allow the other spouse intermittent access to their children in common to employ breadcrumbing in child custody and child support matters. It is likely that the breadcrumber has extensive knowledge about the best tactics to pull at their target’s heartstrings due to their significant relationship. And once agreements have been signed in family law matters, it is extremely difficult to go back and change them.
Stop The Cycle Of Manipulation With Experienced Arizona Legal Help
If you have already identified yourself as someone who is susceptible to breadcrumbing and other manipulation tactics, you need skilled legal counsel for divorce, custody, and any other family law matters relevant to your situation. In family law matters, not only is money at stake, but so are priceless possessions and time with your children that you can’t get back. Our dedicated Arizona family law lawyers offer unbeatable services at fair and affordable prices. If you’re looking for Low Cost Family Law Help in Arizona, contact our office for your free consultation at 480-263-1699.
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